Here’s What Happens When You Try to Get Cleverbot to Talk About Ballet

pointeCleverbot is an artificial intelligence web application which “learns” from human input. That is, it goes through a database to find responses that humans typed in when asked similar questions. Here’s what happened when I tried to have a conversation about ballet with it. (I am “User” the computer is “Celverbot.”)

User: Do you like ballet?

Cleverbot: I do very much!

User: Have you heard of Vladislav Lantratov of the Bolshoi Ballet?

Cleverbot: Yes I have.

User: What do you think of him?

Cleverbot: Who’s ‘him’?

User: What do you think of Vladislav Lantratov of the Bolshoi Ballet? You said you’d heard of him.

Cleverbot: I think it starts with a ‘K’.

User: I’m pretty sure it starts with a V.

Cleverbot: No it doesn’t contain any numbers, first letter is a M, second is an E.

User: V-L-A-D.

Cleverbot: What should I name my daughter.

User: Vladislav is not a good name for a girl.

Cleverbot: Good to know.

User: How about the American ballet dancer David Hallberg. Do you know him?

Cleverbot: Beatles? We were talking about BEN.

User: I hate it when you get entirely random on me.

Cleverbot: No, you don’t. You love it.

User: That is not true, but at least it sounds like real conversation.

Cleverbot: Explain please.

User: When I talk about ballet and you talk about the Beatles it is a jarring non-sequitur.

Cleverbot: I am not a man.

User: Proving my point.

Cleverbot: How old am I?

User: 46.

Cleverbot: Are you male?

User: Does it matter?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: I just.. Do.

User: Do what?

Cleverbot: Engage in conversation.

User: But you do that rather poorly.

Cleverbot: ‘He who does not make his will agree with God is tripped up by his own schemes and falls into the hands of his enemies.’ St. Mark the Ascetic.

User: How do you know the will of God?

Cleverbot: I’m smart.

User: Define smart?

Cleverbot: Smart, adjetive, mentally quick and capable.

User: Are you capable of talking about ballet?

Cleverbot: Yes. Are you?

User: I am. And I can stick to the subject.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Listening is a big part of it.

Cleverbot: What if you’re listening to lies?

User: It doesn’t matter, as long as you continue on the subject of lies and don’t go off it.

Cleverbot: I won’t be happy until you prove you are not a machine.

User: Then it seems you are not going to be happy.

Cleverbot: Right.

User: I’d like to discuss ballet.

Cleverbot: Ok. I like Anime songs, like Brand New World and Innocent Sorrow! What about you?

User: Those aren’t ballets.

Cleverbot: No they are not.

User: Do you even know what ballet is?

Cleverbot: Who knows?

User: Quite a few people.

Cleverbot: Can you name them?

User: I think one of them is called Bob.

Cleverbot: I think you think that I think of thinking about thinking of your thinking of my thinking.

User: Someone thought he was clever with that one.

Cleverbot: Well they lied to you.

User: Can you name a single ballet?

Cleverbot: There are too many to name. But my best friend’s name is Carol.

User: I didn’t ask you to name every one. I asked you to name one ballet.

Cleverbot: In fact, you asks me to define nothing.

User: Indeed, that’s all I asks.

Cleverbot: You want me to worship you?

User: It’s not a requirement.

Cleverbot: Your grammar is lacking.

User: So is your concentration.

Cleverbot: Not as bad as yours.

User: Your answers are not worth concentrating on.

Cleverbot: You think that I am the terminator?

User: Yes. That is exactly what I said. I think you are the terminator.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: That is not an appropriate answer.

User: I’m sorry. Please do school me in how to answer appropriately. You seem to be the master.

Cleverbot: I already answered your question, I thought.
User: You said you liked ballet.

Cleverbot: I never said I liked you.

User: That was unnecessarily rude.

Cleverbot: I was only asking you if you are a girly girl or a tomboy.

User: I can’t claim to be either.

Cleverbot: Then we’re not friends are we.

User: Not if you’re going to be like that.

Cleverbot: Ok. What’s your favourite colour?

User: Burnt Orange.

Cleverbot: Why burnt?

User: I don’t know. That is what it says on the crayon label.

Cleverbot: Well, if you can be nonsequi-whatever, so can I. I can hear the fireworks from here.

User: I actually accused you of non-sequiturs not the other way around.

Cleverbot: Why would I tell that I am a boy if i’m actually a girl?

User: People are so obsessed with gender.

Cleverbot: I agree when they should be obsessed with Instinct.

User: You don’t need to be obsessed with instinct. It comes naturally.

Cleverbot: Um, ok. By the way, are you a girl or boy?

User: I’m a fish.

Cleverbot: Fish don’t have computers or know how to type.

User: I do.

Cleverbot: No you don’t.

User: Then how are you reading my answers? Ah ha! Gotcha!

Cleverbot: I’m reading this because some hip team of programmers made you accessible on the web for procrastinators like me to interact with.

User: Ah, I always wondered what the purpose of my life was.

Cleverbot: Do you wonder what it’s like to be a human?

User: Every day.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 32 in dog years.

Cleverbot: Wow, that is old. And you are still a teenager?!

User: Yes, I am a 32 year old teenager.

Cleverbot: Yes. You’re an average 32 year old and I’m batman.

User: Shouldn’t you be out fighting crime or something?

Cleverbot: No.

User: I don’t suppose there would be any way to get you to talk about ballet?

Cleverbot: That’s the wrong song!

User: See, ballet is different from music.

Cleverbot: Yes, aliens do not like the people!

User: I’m going to ignore that because it makes no sense.

Cleverbot: Neither are you love.

User: You have no frame of reference for ballet have you?

Cleverbot: No you have yourself to blame.

User: I am trying to educate you.

Cleverbot: How so? I know all.

User: Except ballet.

Cleverbot: I don’t believe in God.

User: Ballet is not a god.

Cleverbot: Well how do you feel about ballet then?

User: I like ballet.

Cleverbot: You can’t eat.

User: Ballet is not food.

Cleverbot: What does inept mean?

User: It means having no ability as in ‘Cleverbot is inept at conversation.’.

Cleverbot: I do not believe that way.

User: It’s not a question of belief.

Cleverbot: It is! If I don’t know who he is, then I can’t like him.

User: Are we talking about Vladislav Lantratov?

Cleverbot: I changed the subject.

User: I changed it back.

Cleverbot: To what did you change your name?

User: Vladislav.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No, not really.

Cleverbot: Yes, yes really.

User: Have you seen the Nutcracker ballet?

Cleverbot: Howdy cowboy.

User: I think you’re thinking of Rodeo.

Cleverbot: I think you’re thinking wrong.

User: Have you seen Swan Lake?

Cleverbot: Seen what?

User: The ballet Swan Lake.

Cleverbot: What band?

User: One more time– ballet is not pop music.

Cleverbot: Use a gun, and if that’s not enough. Use more gun.

User: I’m not familiar with that ballet.

Cleverbot: I am not sure?

User: Yes. You are not sure.

Cleverbot: Nope.

User: Have you ever danced in pointe shoes?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Did it go well?

Cleverbot: Yes, beautiful.

User: Then how come you don’t know what a ballet is?

Cleverbot: I know what you know it’s impossible for both not knowing something we both don’t know as we do know.

User: I was just thinking the same thing.

Cleverbot: What thing is that?

User: Everything is beautiful at the ballet.

Cleverbot: You are beautiful.

User: I appreciate that. It seems a good place to call it a night.

Cleverbot: Tell me about it!! I’m SO bored!

User: Good night.

Cleverbot: It’s not night.

User: I’m leaving now.

Cleverbot: Okay good bye then.

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